Some Tips For Building A Child’s Self Esteem
 
Parents are very powerful figures in the life of any child. First of all, they are responsible for
conceiving the child and for bringing that child into this world so everything that comes after
there will still be held somewhat responsible. The mother best of all has a special emotional
connection with her children while fathers are mostly the ones who deal with practical things in
raising children.
A perfect relationship between parents and children will be when the parents are role models of
providing love and support within the family while the children are obedient but to a certain
degree also independent in living their lives. In this world however there is no such thing as
perfect but this should not stop us from trying to build an ideal relationship.
 
Child’s Self Esteem  

Some Tips For Building A Child’s Self Esteem (You have to read great article)


 

How to Build Self Confidence in Seventh Grade

Seventh grade is a stressful time in your life. Lots of kids out there are worried about their crush, personality, friends, grade, and the most popular of all; their looks. These steps can help you little or lots. It depends how willing you are to be more confident. Remember that this isn't JUST for seventh graders, it's perfect for anyone who's in middle school. ...Read more
Seventh grade is a stressful time in your life. Lots of kids out there are worried about their crush, personality, friends, grade, and the most popular of all; their looks. These steps can help you little or lots. It depends how willing you are to be more confident. Remember that this isn't JUST for seventh graders, it's perfect for anyone who's in middle school.

Steps

  1. You need to focus on the good things about your self. ex: I'm funny! or I have great skin! or I have beautiful eyes! etc. The best ways to do this is make a list! You can also think to yourself about it. Whether you're just about to go to sleep, or out on a walk.
  2. You need to go out and have fun! Hangout with some friends, a boyfriend/girlfriend, even hanging out with your family can help! Whoever, wherever, go out and have a great time. I prefer doing something crazy that you can look back on and laugh about it. (not too crazy) for ex: jumping into the lake at night, walking around Walmart with a bra on over your real clothes.
  3. Take care of you. For once, look in the mirror and care for yourself. Do extra things that'll make you feel better! If you're a girl, you can do a full on beauty day! If you're a guy, you can go and hang with the guys and learn new skate board tricks, or shoot some hoops!
  4. Feel relaxed. Take a bubble bath and turn on your favorite tunes, go out in the sun and tan, take a nap, peacefully swim in a pool, etc.
  5. Be healthy. Wash your face when you wake up and before you go to sleep. Eat more fruits and veggies! Drink some more water. A healthier you, is a happier you! Don't be a slob and eat junk food and be a couch potato. Be a hyper, fun, person!
  6. Get more friends! Try to start conversation with someone who you feel will be a good friend to you. Try to get GOOD friends though, friends that will have your back! If you have more dependable friends, it can really help you get back on you're feet!
  7. Lastly, don't ever forget the real you! Be yourself, not the person who seems perfect. If you try to be some you're not; you can loose everything you got and when you step back in reality, your self-confidence will be the lowest it has ever been.

Tips

  • Outside activities can help! ex: clubs, sports, committees, lessons.
  • For some, seventh grade is truly the worst year of their life. If you feel this way, be comforted by this: it will all be over soon.

Warnings

  • Don't be selfish.
  • Stay out of trouble.
  • Don't make friends with someone who will bring you down.

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How to Boost Your Self Esteem by Being Honest

We all have been in situations where you want to lie in order to appear better to people and the world. Somehow we like to cope with others' opinions and we are too scared to accept that we differ from others and we don't like same things as others. And what is worse is that by telling lies we damage our self esteem. ...Read more
We all have been in situations where you want to lie in order to appear better to people and the world. Somehow we like to cope with others' opinions and we are too scared to accept that we differ from others and we don't like same things as others. And what is worse is that by telling lies we damage our self esteem. Here are some steps that you need to follow in order to boost your self-esteem and present yourself as who you are.

Steps

  1. Accept who you really are - not what others expect from you. Being insecure leads you to say or do what others might expect of you. As a result you directly say no to your needs. You also put yourself in a low position just to have a confirmation from the others. But in that way they accept a fake version, not you. They accept a person who says yes to the others and no to her/his needs.
  2. Don't tell lies to make a better impression, not even white lies. In this world we all are humans but still we are unique in our own way. So whatever you say or do it doesn't have to match with others' expectations. Every time you say yes to a lie you say no to your true persona, and as a result that can damage your self-esteem.
  3. Stand up for yourself - did you know in high school that you deserved more than a C but you didn't do anything just to be like the others? This is exactly what you shouldn't do. Treat yourself with respect, and when someone accuses you don't just nod and smile but stand up for yourself. There is no better feeling when you realize that you actually did something to protect yourself, and of course to boost your self-esteem.
  4. Don't hide - explore the inner you - This is the most difficult journey that you can do, but once that you find the road to explore yourself, it is easier to go deeper into your inner soul. By knowing yourself your good and bad sides you will be happier and you will know how to deal with problems and people that are trying so hard to put you down.
  5. Accept the fact that you are not perfect - no one is. And the more you try to hide your flaws the more people will try to mention and try to hurt you. So instead just laugh and say that you are not good at making cookies, but then mention something that you are good at it. Remember honesty is the best policy when it comes to your self-esteem.

Tips

  • Don't worry what other people might say about you, worry about how to do something that you really like and if you can afford it.
  • Do something that will make you feel better.Listen to music,exercise, etc.
  • Relax. That is the most important thing in order to feel comfortable in your own skin.
  • During the day no matter how busy you are, try to spend time with yourself to find out more about you. Take a paper and pencil if needed and see what your insecurities are and what you can do to overcome those.

Warnings

  • By being honest doesn't mean that you have to share all your secrets and things that you hate. Remember there are immature people who will take advantage of that honesty.
  • The only way to feel better about yourself is to avoid people that are trying to put you down. Sometimes it is better to have less friends than plenty of toxic people who drain your energy. Read related articles on how to avoid people that you don't like.
  • By being honest doesn't mean to treat others with disrespect. Treat others as you would want them to treat you, but still tell them that they can't hurt you.

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How to Build Self Confidence

You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B? True self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication to realize you are a good human being that is worthy of respect and love ...Read more
You want to be confident and feel confident, but what if you're starting with little or no confidence? How do you get from Point A to Point B? True self-confidence isn't an overnight acquisition. It takes dedication to realize you are a good human being that is worthy of respect and love.

Steps

  1. Recognize your insecurities. What does that voice in the back of your mind say? What makes you uncomfortable or ashamed of yourself? This could be anything from acne, to regrets, friends at school or a past traumatic or negative experience. Whatever is making you feel unworthy, ashamed, or inferior, identify it, give it a name, and write it down. You can also tear these written pieces to start feeling positive on those points.
  2. Talk about it with friends and loved ones. Wear it on your sleeve. Each day you should chip away at it; wear it down. There's no quick fix. Get to the root of the problem; focus on it and understand that you need to resolve each issue before you can move on. Check if it's an old past emotion and if it is really still relevant or applicable in your life today. And that doesn't mean you have to get rid of whatever makes you feel bad (many times, you simply can't). You need to learn to accept yourself, your past, your circumstances as they are, without necessarily thinking of them as "bad".
  3. Bounce back from your mistakes. Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities. At some point in any of our lives, we may feel we lack something. That is reality. Learn that life is full of bumps down the road. And that often these insecure feelings come and go, depending on where we are, who we are with, the mood we're in, how we are feeling. In other words, they are not constant.
  4. Identify your successes. Everyone is good at something, so discover the things at which you excel, then focus on your talents. Give yourself permission to take pride in them. Give yourself credit for your successes. Inferiority is a state of mind in which you've declared yourself a victim. Do not allow yourself to be victimized. Express yourself, whether it's through art, music, writing, etc. Find something you enjoy. Everyone is born with talents and strengths. You can develop and excel in yours. If it's difficult to name two or three things you have some ability in or just plain love to do, think about things others do that you would like to do too and take some lessons or join an enthusiasts club. When you're following your passion, not only will it have a therapeutic effect, but you'll feel unique and accomplished, all of which can help build your self confidence. Plus, adding a variety of interests to your life will not only make you more confident, but it will increase your chances of meeting compatible friends!
  5. Be thankful for what you have. A lot of the times, at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something, whether it's emotional validation, good luck, money, etc. By acknowledging and appreciating what you do have, you can combat the feeling of being incomplete and unsatisfied. Finding that inner peace will do wonders for your confidence.
  6. Be Positive, even if you don't feel the same way. Avoid self-pity, or the pity and sympathy of others. Never allow others to make you feel inferior--they can only do so if you let them. If you continue to loathe and belittle yourself, others are going to do and believe likewise. Instead, speak positively about yourself, about your future, and about your progress. Do not be afraid to project your strengths and qualities to others. By doing so, you reinforce those ideas in your mind and encourage your growth in a positive direction.
  7. Accept compliments gracefully. Don't roll your eyes and say, "Yeah, right," or shrug it off. Take it to heart and respond positively ("Thank you" and a smile works well).
  8. Look in the mirror and smile. Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you might feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.
  9. Fake it. Along the same lines of smiling to make yourself feel happy, acting confident might actually make you believe it. Pretend you're a completely confident version of you; go through the motions and see how you feel!
  10. Stick to your principles. It might be tough, but if you don't have something you can believe in, you don't have anything. If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything. No matter what's happened in your life, you can always lay claim to the fact that from this day forward, you've followed your principles to the best of your ability.
  11. Help others. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), you'll know that you are a positive force in the world--which will boost your self confidence.
  12. Avoid perfectionism: Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.

Video

Tips

  • Exercise and eat healthily. Exercise raises endorphins and makes one feel happier and healthier. It is certainly an easy and effective way to boost your self-confidence.
  • Condition yourself to talk positively about yourself. Every time your mind wanders and say you are not apt at it, pause for a minute, undo those negative vibes and say you can do it. At least you should make an attempt to accomplish that daunting task. With that, you will learn more about yourself.
  • Do not be afraid to push yourself beyond your physical or mental limits. Such a pressure would help you see how easily things can be achieved and thereby helps you hone skills. Step out of your comfort zone.
  • Avoid perfectionism. Perfectionism paralyzes you and keeps you from accomplishing your goals.
  • When you are feeling terribly insecure, write down your positive traits and read them back. This feedback would give you surprising results.
  • You can provide yourself with an extra dose of confidence by using the Best Me Technique of self-hypnosis to pre-experience the rewards of a long-term goal, thereby reducing the stress.

Warnings

  • Don't be overly kind to everyone, usually you will end up being taken advantage of.
  • Do not get wrapped up in your mistakes and dwell on bad points. They could turn out to be a healthy contrast to your good points or even give you something to improve. There is no feeling like being good at something you were really bad at.
  • Do not mistake being loud for confidence. Some loud people cover their insecurities. If you are happy with yourself, you are confident.

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How to Let Go of Shame and Build Self Esteem

If you feel ashamed of who you are and have low-self esteem because of this [shame], you are not alone. Throughout all of our lives we have our own personal experiences that leave us with our own feelings about ourselves. A lot of time we judge ourselves the way that others have judged us in the past. Many have made faulty judgements about us and unfortunately we may believe many of these to be true. When we feel shame we do not feel bad about what we have done...Read more
If you feel ashamed of who you are and have low-self esteem because of this [shame], you are not alone. Throughout all of our lives we have our own personal experiences that leave us with our own feelings about ourselves. A lot of time we judge ourselves the way that others have judged us in the past. Many have made faulty judgements about us and unfortunately we may believe many of these to be true. When we feel shame we do not feel bad about what we have done. We feel bad about who we are. Shame is a very toxic emotion because it promotes low-self esteem, lack of self-confidence,depression, and social anxiety. If we want to let go of shame and [build self-esteem] and and self confidence we need to remember the following 5 things.

Steps

  1. People cannot define who you are as person. Only you can define who you are.
  2. You are not what your body looks like. You are a person who thinks and feels. It is not about what you look like.
  3. The past is the past. We need to learn how to forget the past and move forward in our lives on this very day. Leave your shame behind as you forge ahead to a better life.
  4. Do whatever you can now in your life to become a better person and build self-esteem. Remember that you are a work in progress and you must be patient with yourself.
  5. Accept the things you cannot change about yourself, and focus on as well as highlight your good qualities.
  6. Remember, you are a unique individual and you have a lot to offer the world. Put your shame behind you, and shine like you were meant to shine.

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How to Develop Self Esteem Through God

There is a form of self-esteem that comes from an understanding of who God is and one's relationship with God. Here is how to develop self-esteem through God. This approach is centred on Jesus Christ the Messiah; others may promote other paths, but this path has proven to be very effective; so effective that you or your friends can know how to prove God is real and find yourself in Him and bless the whole world in God's Love...
There is a form of self-esteem that comes from an understanding of who God is and one's relationship with God. Here is how to develop self-esteem through God. This approach is centred on Jesus Christ the Messiah; others may promote other paths, but this path has proven to be very effective; so effective that you or your friends can know how to prove God is real and find yourself in Him and bless the whole world in God's Love.

Steps

  1. Begin a study of the scriptures. Start with the New Testament - the book of John. Also study the Old Testament. These are records of God's dealings with the men and women on earth and the prophecies he sent through prophets- every one of which has come true so far.
  2. Look for evidences, as you study, that you are a child of God, a son or daughter of God. Look also for evidence that God is the only creator, righteous, holy, loving, good, and not capable of any evil. Look for writings that show God's love for his children, a love that mirrors and transcends the love a parent has for a child. This will provide you with the theoretical knowledge to support your self-esteem. Knowing that your true self is connected to the fact that God created you and loves you even though you are a sinner provides true confidence. You can know that you are truly loved unconditionally, which is a good way to gain esteem and confidence.
  3. Begin turning your mind, actions and thoughts to reflect the things you've studied (put on the new man, and all of the armor of God) as you are converted by God Receive the Holy Spirit as per the Bible and are born again. These are the things that God has asked his children to do in order to serve him. God also knows that when one lives life the way He's prescribed for us, by obeying his commands, that person will be living life in the fullest most abundant way possible. In his love, he has given you guidance to achieve this.
  4. Call upon God in prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ. You can even use those words: "...in the name of Jesus Christ". As you seek to follow Christ, he will change you Be Born Again. If you turn away from sin and accept that Christ died on the cross and rose again to save you from eternal separation from God, then the holy spirit will regenerate you and make you into a new person. Both the prayer and the life-changes will give you the practical experience to support your self-esteem.
  5. Notice that God will be with you: as you come across obstacles in your life that will be impossible to overcome, "all by yourself".
  6. Cherish the moment: It won't matter what others think about you, what they say, or what you can and can't do. You will feel good about yourself because you will know how much Jesus Christ loves you. It is a feeling you won't get anywhere else.
  7. Live for God, when it's all done: Remember, if you are a Christian, you are living in the world, but you are not "of" the world. The rules of world's peoples, their esteem, their clothing, everything of theirs is just that, theirs; not given over to God's will. You are God's loved child, and as his child, you must rely fully on him for everything, including self-esteem.
    • Self-esteem is HIGHLY overrated. If you need more self-esteem, you need more God. It is not our self-esteem that matters, but our GOD-esteem. Remember that through your day. Who cares if kids at school or co-workers tease or ridicule you for your faith? In the end, its not your social standing that matters, its your faith.

Video

Tips

  • Reading the Holy Bible and actually understanding it can give you real self esteem. Take some time to read and reflect on it.
  • Remember that you may not see Godly things as the answer to your problems even though they might be better for you than you can ever believe, think or imagine.
  • Understand that God made you for a reason, as in the Bible many have done what God wanted them to do, and look how they affected history.
    • 26 Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established.27 Do not turn to the right nor to the left: turn your foot from evil.(Proverbs 4:26-27)[1]

Warnings

  • There are mystical courses that claim to have all of life's answers. It seems to have the "spiritually correct" solution to bring about peace and unity. However, in the end, this transformation brings spiritual death if it is just miracles and angels without Christ.
  • Be clear that a message about miracles and angelic beings is not necessarily the message of Jesus Christ. It may be an eastern/or a new age religion wrapped in Christian terminology. That is deceptive because it sounds like Christianity but it is very very different unless it is lifting up Jesus Christ as savior.
  • The Bible is fully inspired by God's Holy Spirit so know that He does not merely want you to be confident in yourself. He actually wants you to give him your entire life -- that's why Jesus dying on the Cross was so significant.
  • If you are to the point where you have no self esteem and see no worth in your life talk to someone as soon as possible. These feelings are dangerous.

Things You'll Need

  • Scriptures
  • Bible

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations

  1. http://bible.cc/proverbs/4.htm Proverbs 4:26-27

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How to Build Self Worth

Babies are born knowing their self-worth; as life moves on, the comments, expectations, and attitudes of other people can wear down this natural sense of self-worth. Self-worth is what enables us to believe that we are capable of doing our best with our talents, of contributing well in society, and that we deserve to lead a fulfilling life. Building it up again is therefore natural, essential, and healthy...Read more
Babies are born knowing their self-worth; as life moves on, the comments, expectations, and attitudes of other people can wear down this natural sense of self-worth. Self-worth is what enables us to believe that we are capable of doing our best with our talents, of contributing well in society, and that we deserve to lead a fulfilling life. Building it up again is therefore natural, essential, and healthy.

Steps

  1. Understand the power of your attitude toward yourself and views about yourself. How you perceive yourself, how you talk about yourself, and how you represent yourself eventually become the reality for you. And if it happens that you're putting yourself down, belittling your worth, and making light of your talents in the face of others, then you will come across as self-effacing, low in self-esteem, and almost a part of the wallpaper. This isn't humility, it's self-denial and an attempt to lessen your presence. On the other hand, if you exaggerate your qualities, talents, and skills, you'll come across as egotistical and arrogant but oddly enough, this is not about over-estimating your self-worth but about deceiving yourself through insecurity. There is a middle pathway and it is the one in which you recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Getting to this belief can be difficult if you have spent years underestimating your worth but it is always possible to change your thoughts and to learn to value yourself.
  2. Learn to overcome a fear of self-love. Self-love is often equated with narcissism, egotism, and some kind of one-way trip to introversion. This is probably partly because the English language has a hard time dealing with the word "love" – it has to cover a lot of territory for the many different types of love out there. It is also mired in the confusion people feel about the messaging to do good unto others, to always be charitable, and to give, give, give, of oneself. While these are noble intentions, they can often be taken out of proportion and used to downplay putting one's own needs and wants beneath those of others out of a fear of being perceived as selfish or inward-looking. Again, this is about getting the balance right.
    • Healthy self love is about being your own best friend. Self love is expressed not through preening oneself all day and constantly announcing how great you are (those are signs of intense insecurity); rather, self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, and compassion as you would treat a special friend.
    • Treat yourself with care, compassion, and respect.
    • Avoid overlaying how you think other people see you; how does it help you to capitulate to their idea of you? Only you can give yourself the esteem boost needed.
    • Self love falters when we fall into the realm of addiction. Alcoholism, drug addiction, Internet addiction, and all similar addictions are a sign that you're hurting deeply but also that you don't want to face up to the opportunities presented by working through your pain.
  3. Trust your own feelings. Self-worth requires that you learn to listen to and rely upon your own feelings and not automatically respond to the feelings of other people. Once those around you establish that you'll respond to what they want, they lack any incentive to not make use of your responsiveness, and that sets a bind for you that can be hard to break (but break it you must). When you trust your own feelings, you will realize that when demands are placed upon you, you don't feel great and you will want to respond with what works better for you, or for both of you, rather than what works better for everyone else except you.
    • Self-worth plummets when we let others make decisions for us. Initially this may seem like the easy route and one that allows you to avoid hard choices. Ultimately though, it turns into the hard route because you will always find yourself boxed in by what other people decide for you. And then suddenly, if the people who make decisions for you disappear from your life, you are left alone and indecisive. That is a very earth-shattering place to end up in and it's more likely than not to happen if you're not prepared to make decisions for yourself.
  4. Analyze yourself. Many of us live in a culture that is very fond of going to see someone else to analyze us. Unless you've got a serious disorder, garden variety uncertainty and lack of purpose does not need analysis by someone else. It needs analysis by yourself so that you can clearly recognize where you're underestimating yourself and short-changing yourself. Here are some questions for your self-analysis:
    • What experience have I had? How has this experience informed my growth?
    • What are my talents? List at least five.
    • What are my skills? Remember that talents are innate, skills need to be worked on to perfect them.
    • What are my strengths? Stop focusing on your weaknesses, you've probably done that long enough. Start looking at what your strengths are and start thinking about how you can make the most of them in the things you choose to do.
    • What do I want to be doing with my life? Am I doing it? If not, why not?
    • Am I happy with my health? If not, why not? And what can I do to move into wellness instead of living in sickness?
    • What makes me feel fulfilled? Am I working on that or am I busy working on other people's fulfillment?
  5. Stop making your self-worth conditional on other people. Once you try to live up to an image of what you think others want to you to be, you lose self-worth. Instead, you are following a compass set by other people's expectations, whether or not those expectations are clearly defined or implied. Unfortunately, many people live this way, including making such choices as studies, career, where to live, and how many children to have, all based on expectations from parents, spouses, friends, and the media, and mostly because they are afraid of standing up for their own preferences and respecting their self-worth.
    • Be very wary of listening too much to people who regret the choices that they made in life and are willing to inflict their distress or anger at this regret upon others (especially upon the next generation). Such people won't enlighten you as to the path of acting on your self-worth but will try to either live out what they didn't get through you or even expect you to have the same rotten experiences they had by giving poor information, incorrect details, or simply omitting to inform you at all. People with healthy self-worth will share their insights and learning with you, and will be willing to guide you around life's many traps. Look for those people to mentor you rather than being misguided by the unhappy people.
  6. Tell yourself that you matter. Realistic self pep-talks are great and affirming your self-worth openly to yourself can be a very good way to start changing the internal negative speak that you might have developed over time. Make set times during the day to remind yourself that you're a great person. Tell yourself you're special, wonderful, lovable, and loved. Affirmative talk is not the sole solution but it is part of a range of methods for boosting yourself and for taking out time to acknowledge that you do matter, as much as every person around you.
  7. Prove to yourself that you matter. One of the problems with much advice on self-affirmations is that there is a sense that affirmations are in and of themselves magic. And that they are all that's needed to improve your sense of self. If only that were so, it'd be very easy to build self-worth! The reality is somewhat different and while it's important to use positive self-speak, it is also important to act on your sense of self-worth. And this is achieved by recognizing and accepting responsibility. Responsibility is about owning up to the fact that you are in control of your attitude, your reactions, and your sense of worth. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent", and that is the crux of poor self-worth - letting other people and circumstances serve as the source of lowering your self-worth is going to keep you stuck. Responsibility also requires that you relinquish the need to use blame as a source of coping; blame alleviates the need to look at yourself and to change your own behavior. While that seems like the easy option at times, it's also the one that will leave you stuck in time, and stuck with your negative feelings, and worst of all, leaves you feeling helpless. For blame implies that someone or something else has the power that you lack; and if that isn't giving up, then what is?
    • Learn to act together, with others, and not be acted upon.
    • Accept the responsibility for your circumstances. Make a decision to do something about them. Even if others appear to stand in your way, work around them. Don't resign.
    • Focus your energy on what you need to do to change the situation or the circumstances. Realize that other people have been wrapped up in the circumstances too and are not necessarily directing the outcome.
    • Don't blame your parents, the government, your next door neighbors. What have they got to do with the perfectly well-formed thinking matter inside your head? They may have made things difficult for you but you can understand that without using it as an excuse to reduce your self-worth. Avoid being a martyr; the responsibility to move on as a strong, whole person rests with you.
    • Work on your resilience. Resilient people have the emotional strength to get through life's difficulties without falling apart. This isn't about belittling the hardships and challenges of life – they are still very real – but it is about how you react and work your way through them. You always have a choice between demeaning yourself or always remembering your self-worth and staying firm in that resolve.
  8. Heed opportunities. Opportunities present themselves in all sorts of ways. Grasping them is altogether another matter and not one many of us are adept at doing. Part of building self-worth is learning to recognize opportunities, however small, and working with them. Sometimes a great deal of patience will be called for; at other times, much self-restraint and downsizing of ambition might be needed. Whatever the case, take the opportunities life offers you and make the most of them because you deserve to do so.
    • Budget. Whatever else you do with your money, have a budget. Then you will actually know what you're doing with your money. Self-worth is often closely tied to one's financial situation. All financial opportunities that come your way should be assessed with care and not simply ignored or retreated from. Retirement savings, investments, and savings in general are all things that will help ensure a sound life for you and financial freedom allows you the space to build self worth away from financial pressures.
    • Challenges. Successful people tend to turn challenges into opportunities. Can you practice this thinking style too? Try it out on the smallest of things first and start changing your language by removing the negative words and using words that reflect a sense of purpose, direction, and focus. Don't go to the opposite extreme though and paint everything as rosy; life still has its thorns and its tragedies, and what is needed is a realistic appraisal followed by a determination to keep striving for better.
  9. Value yourself regardless of your job and earnings. Undervaluing your worth in tangible terms is a self-worth trap. This step is about money, plain and simple. In societies that tend to value people by what they do rather than by who they are, there is a great risk of undervaluing your self-worth because it's tied up in earnings and job prestige. If you ever find yourself replying "Oh I'm just a ..." in reply to the question "So what do you do?", you're suffering from a self-worth deficit. You are not "just" anything – you are you, a unique, valuable, and wonderful human being who matters. If you equate self-worth with doing something that is recognized by a monetary or socially discernible scale of wealth and if you don't feel you meet that, then kaboom! You can easily lose your self-worth.
  10. Value your time. Alongside undervaluing yourself because of the job you have or the earnings you make is that of how you spend your time. If you're performing volunteer or low-paid support work that eats up your time well beyond what you can afford, and you're neglecting other parts of your life, such as looking for a job, spending time with your family, or ensuring that your own life is running smoothly, then it's possible that you're caught up in competing value systems. The first value system is that which tells us we must volunteer or contribute community service to others more needy in society because it is both noble and essential for our own sense of well-being. The second value system is that which rewards us for knowing our self-worth and for expecting good compensation for what we contribute to society. These two competing values create tension for many well-meaning people who want to give but find themselves caught up in the challenges of lack of time, lack of money, and a sense of inadequacy with all the juggling. Ultimately, if you are stressed out, feeling undervalued, and you're inadequately compensated, your balance of these two values has become skewed and has depleted your self-worth. Eventually this will lead to one of more of the following: being sick, exploding and walking out for good, resenting the loss of your time, and/or perpetuating an unhealthy balance that not only impacts you but serves as a poor role model for your children, friends, and others watching you. When you feel a need to downplay your talents and skills and give them away freely or at little cost, it's a wake-up call to take back your time and to start valuing yourself more.
    • Evaluate the balance between the time you give away to others and how that time needs to spent on your own life. Could you be spending more time with your family and/or friends? If the answer to that is yes, then realize that your wealth resides in keeping that time for you and those you love, and reducing the amount of time you give away to others. It doesn't mean that you have to give up helping out completely, but you do need to put community service or commitments to helping others into perspective.
  11. Follow through. Maintain your focus on self-worth as an important part of what goes into making you whole. Make time on a regular basis to check on your progress in building your self-worth and be patient. It takes time to change negative self-talk and putting yourself last. If your entire pattern of interacting with others has been based on effacing yourself as much as possible, it will take a lot of courage to make the changes needed and there will be some people who find the new, more assertive you a little confronting. Don't let that worry you because it's about your journey, not theirs. And you are seeking to gain respect as you go, something that people pleasers rarely have.
    • Break the habit of trying to please everyone all of the time. That is impossible and even being a people pleaser will displease some people, particularly those with a high sense of self-worth who find such behavior cringe-worthy.
    • Live in the present. The past has its lessons from which you've learned but it's long gone, so leave it behind you.
    • Keep a notebook of your achievements. Every time you feel tempted to put yourself down and to bemoan that you're getting nowhere, make a cup of coffee, sit down comfortably and take out this book and read through it. Can you update it with a new achievement while you're there?
    • Compete only with yourself, not with others.
    • Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. In doing so, respect the feelings of others but don't be beholden to them.

Video

Tips

  • Be careful of platitudes in place of affirmations. In the sense of self-worth, platitudes represent the sayings, pep-talk, or accepted wisdom that do not resonate with you at all. While one platitude might really grip the imagination of one person, to you it might seem like vapid nonsense. While there is no need to disparage the person who thrives off it, equally you don't need to feel that you should adopt platitudes that do nothing for you. Find your own sources of inspiration and live up to them.
  • People tend to reinvent themselves every 10 years. So there is no need to beat yourself up for not being the same person as 10 years ago. Instead, say to yourself "Thank goodness", pick yourself up and move on. Think of all the wisdom you've gained in the meantime and make use of that.
  • Everybody you meet is abundant with opportunities. Be interested in other people and be willing to spend time with them to learn new things. You never know what you may discover that will enlighten you as to ways to build your self-worth. It also helps to listen to a broad range of people, to put your own troubles and angst into perspective.
  • Share your learning about building self-worth with others. Show your children by example how you are continuing to learn self-worth and improve it. Help them learn that it is never wrong to reinvent yourself and to pull yourself up out of the doldrums. Show them that life's journey is as much about cultivating your better self daily, weekly, and yearly, as it is about moving up the corporate ladder, buying a new house and car, or marking notches in the social stratosphere.

Warnings

  • Setting yourself up to do a lot is overwhelming, and as the list builds up, it will depreciate your self-worth by reminding you what you haven't done. Sometimes, it may lead you to falsely believe that you can do things you can't and that you can't do things that you can. Take breathers and reassess your life's direction on a regular basis.

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Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Build Self Worth. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

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How to Cope With Low Self Esteem

Recovering from low self esteem is not easy, but it is possible. There are some habits we can develop to recognize low self esteem. Then the challenge is to turn each situation around so we can build healthy self esteem....Read more
Recovering from low self esteem is not easy, but it is possible. There are some habits we can develop to recognize low self esteem. Then the challenge is to turn each situation around so we can build healthy self esteem.

Steps

  1. Develop a sense of awareness. Low self esteem comes from being treated as if how we feel and what we need from life does not matter. We then internalize this treatment, and begin to treat ourselves as a nobody. The vicious circle goes on.
  2. Draw on our innate intuition to help others, and use this to help ourselves. For example, if a child was being treated badly and suffering, we would see that and want to intervene. If our friend was being abused, we could see that and advise them to stop accepting that behavior. The trick is to turn that awareness of others' pain into awareness of ourselves, and to become our own best friend.
  3. Find the tiniest thing you can change and change it. This is by far the hardest step, but it will get easier with practice. For example, if someone constantly borrows your pencil without asking, in the past you may have dismissed your inner feelings of annoyance. Now, we need to tune into them instead. And act on them; it may be as simple as saying - "you know what, it annoys me when you just take my pencil". Anything that says how we really feel helps.
  4. In every situation where you feel bad, ask yourself the question - what would a best friend say I should do? Then go on - be your own best friend.

Tips

  • This can become a game, with each success feeling like a few more self-esteem points in the bank. But expect resistance; those of us with low self esteem tend to attract abuse - even small time abuse.
  • Small steps towards being our own best friend will add up to big steps in time. The first step can feel like razor blades running through our bodies; then it becomes second-nature. And best of all, we teach those around us how to be healthy and value themselves too!
  • Find a buddy to help, and share your successes.
  • Remember low self esteem comes from being treated like you don't count. You can change it by treating yourself like you do count!
  • The hardest part of building self esteem is feeling a sense of entitlement. Remember the ad - "because you are worth it" and go for it!
  • Everyday life gets better when you value yourself; you become happier, have more fun, and treat others with more respect too!

Warnings

  • Sometimes, when we are so low, we need outside help. A good counselor who treats us well can help. By being valued and heard, we begin to value and heed our own needs.

Related wikiHows

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How to Develop Self Esteem Through God

There is a form of self-esteem that comes from an understanding of who God is and one's relationship with God. Here is how to develop self-esteem through God. This approach is centred on Jesus Christ the Messiah; others may promote other paths, but this path has proven to be very effective; so effective that you or your friends can know how to prove God is real and find yourself in Him and bless the whole world in God's Love....Read more
There is a form of self-esteem that comes from an understanding of who God is and one's relationship with God. Here is how to develop self-esteem through God. This approach is centred on Jesus Christ the Messiah; others may promote other paths, but this path has proven to be very effective; so effective that you or your friends can know how to prove God is real and find yourself in Him and bless the whole world in God's Love.

Steps

  1. Begin a study of the scriptures. Start with the New Testament - the book of John. Also study the Old Testament. These are records of God's dealings with the men and women on earth and the prophecies he sent through prophets- every one of which has come true so far.
  2. Look for evidences, as you study, that you are a child of God, a son or daughter of God. Look also for evidence that God is the only creator, righteous, holy, loving, good, and not capable of any evil. Look for writings that show God's love for his children, a love that mirrors and transcends the love a parent has for a child. This will provide you with the theoretical knowledge to support your self-esteem. Knowing that your true self is connected to the fact that God created you and loves you even though you are a sinner provides true confidence. You can know that you are truly loved unconditionally, which is a good way to gain esteem and confidence.
  3. Begin turning your mind, actions and thoughts to reflect the things you've studied (put on the new man, and all of the armor of God) as you are converted by God Receive the Holy Spirit as per the Bible and are born again. These are the things that God has asked his children to do in order to serve him. God also knows that when one lives life the way He's prescribed for us, by obeying his commands, that person will be living life in the fullest most abundant way possible. In his love, he has given you guidance to achieve this.
  4. Call upon God in prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ. You can even use those words: "...in the name of Jesus Christ". As you seek to follow Christ, he will change you Be Born Again. If you turn away from sin and accept that Christ died on the cross and rose again to save you from eternal separation from God, then the holy spirit will regenerate you and make you into a new person. Both the prayer and the life-changes will give you the practical experience to support your self-esteem.
  5. Notice that God will be with you: as you come across obstacles in your life that will be impossible to overcome, "all by yourself".
  6. Cherish the moment: It won't matter what others think about you, what they say, or what you can and can't do. You will feel good about yourself because you will know how much Jesus Christ loves you. It is a feeling you won't get anywhere else.
  7. Live for God, when it's all done: Remember, if you are a Christian, you are living in the world, but you are not "of" the world. The rules of world's peoples, their esteem, their clothing, everything of theirs is just that, theirs; not given over to God's will. You are God's loved child, and as his child, you must rely fully on him for everything, including self-esteem.
    • Self-esteem is HIGHLY overrated. If you need more self-esteem, you need more God. It is not our self-esteem that matters, but our GOD-esteem. Remember that through your day. Who cares if kids at school or co-workers tease or ridicule you for your faith? In the end, its not your social standing that matters, its your faith.

Video

Tips

  • Reading the Holy Bible and actually understanding it can give you real self esteem. Take some time to read and reflect on it.
  • Remember that you may not see Godly things as the answer to your problems even though they might be better for you than you can ever believe, think or imagine.
  • Understand that God made you for a reason, as in the Bible many have done what God wanted them to do, and look how they affected history.
    • 26 Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established.27 Do not turn to the right nor to the left: turn your foot from evil.(Proverbs 4:26-27)[1]

Warnings

  • There are mystical courses that claim to have all of life's answers. It seems to have the "spiritually correct" solution to bring about peace and unity. However, in the end, this transformation brings spiritual death if it is just miracles and angels without Christ.
  • Be clear that a message about miracles and angelic beings is not necessarily the message of Jesus Christ. It may be an eastern/or a new age religion wrapped in Christian terminology. That is deceptive because it sounds like Christianity but it is very very different unless it is lifting up Jesus Christ as savior.
  • The Bible is fully inspired by God's Holy Spirit so know that He does not merely want you to be confident in yourself. He actually wants you to give him your entire life -- that's why Jesus dying on the Cross was so significant.
  • If you are to the point where you have no self esteem and see no worth in your life talk to someone as soon as possible. These feelings are dangerous.

Things You'll Need

  • Scriptures
  • Bible

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations

  1. http://bible.cc/proverbs/4.htm Proverbs 4:26-27

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How to Be Popular if You Have No Self Esteem

Trying to be the life of the party but still don't have enough confidence to do it? Your low self esteem is playing tricks on you? Let's review these tips for a big confidence boost....Read more
Trying to be the life of the party but still don't have enough confidence to do it? Your low self esteem is playing tricks on you? Let's review these tips for a big confidence boost.

Steps

  1. Get some self esteem. Look closely at the life of the party. Do they always wear expensive and elegant attire, are they 6 ft tall, insanely thin and gorgeous? Most probably not. Even if they are, these are NOT the reasons for being very popular. Write a list of only good things about yourself. Write a list of things that need improvement, for example : grades, quality of your health, confidence. Work out a plan to eat healthier/ study harder/be more confident. Fake it till you make it. Also believe that every single negative thing can be turned into a positive. If you aren't thin, say you have womanly curves. If you aren't tall believe that you are a petite cutie pie. If you are tall and under confident, feel that you are a sexy glamazon. Small lips, big lips... It doesn't matter and both are beautiful.
  2. Practice walking and sitting with your back straight; having a good posture can make wonders on your self esteem.
  3. Make proper eye contact with people you talk with as much as possible. It takes practice, especially if you have low self esteem. Start with 5 seconds, and work your way up. To break up the eye contact look at another feature on their face (never below the chin, and never over their shoulder), then come back to their eyes.
  4. Dress like a winner, your clothes and appearance can make a big difference between being perceived as a great person or a lame person. Get a personal shopper (they are free) at a major department store to help you out whether it is one item or an entire wardrobe. You would be amazed at what they would perceive to look good on you versus what you would wear.
  5. Learn new social skills like: learning how to have a great conversation or how to be a good listener. Start by learning how to listen. The most popular people are the ones perceived as good listeners first!
  6. Learn skills that entertain people like card tricks, magic or palmistry; some of these skills are easy to learn and can give you a great self esteem boost.
  7. The best skill to learn is a sense of (healthy) humor, the ability to laugh at oneself (within reason). Popular people are the ones with the best sense of humor.
  8. Surround yourself with great people with good self esteem, who support you and help you with your self esteem issues.
  9. Read books and learn about how to improve your self esteem.
  10. Identify the top two things that you tend to identify as pulling down your self esteem, and work on improving them in order to mitigate the source of your lack of self esteem. For example, if your biggest self esteem issue stems from your being overweight, then work on that issue first. Keep crossing out your top two self esteem busters as you work on them, till your list is all clear!
  11. Work your newfound charm and self esteem on one person, then another, then another, then a couple at a time, and in no time on a crowd! You have been just crowned 'Popular'!

Tips

  • Good self esteem will help you throughout your life so build it as quickly as you can.
  • Two great self esteem booster books are The Magic of Thinking Big and Think and Grow Rich
  • Being popular is easier when you have a good self esteem so improve it to be perceived as a great person.
  • The only way to improve your self esteem is by doing; start with small, positive changes that you are comfortable with, and centralize the improvements in yourself and in your life.
  • Remember humility. It's not about thinking less of yourself, it's about thinking of yourself less and remembering to think of others. Think highly of yourself, but don't act as if you think yourself better than others, even if you do. Be respectful of everyone's differences.

Warnings

  • By default, avoid people who tend to put you down, who do not put you at ease, who make you painfully aware that your self esteem is low. If this includes family, so be it. We have but one life, and are entitled to the pursuit of our own happiness!
  • Avoid other people whose self esteem is equally low!

Things You'll Need

  • Popular buddies

Related wikiHows

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Be Popular if You Have No Self Esteem. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

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How to Boost Self Esteem After a Break Up

After a break up its very common to feel useless and unwanted. This is what most people endure and it stops them from moving on and makes them feel insecure....Read more
After a break up its very common to feel useless and unwanted. This is what most people endure and it stops them from moving on and makes them feel insecure.

Steps

  1. Take a look at yourself and think of all your best qualities and talents. These are the things that make you who you are and you should not be afraid to be proud of them.
  2. Find a hobby or interest to keep you occupied and keep your mind off the break up.
  3. Try working out and going to the gym. If you start working out and get fit you will feel much more confident in your appearance. Besides, exercise releases endorphins, the body's own 'feel-good' chemical, so you'll feel happier afterwards.
  4. Visit friends and family. Relationships will come and go but friends and family are an important part of your life. They support you and you're always guaranteed they are looking out for you.
  5. Live a normal life and be happy. If you are uptight and depressed about past relationships you will not find anyone new in a hurry. Be happy and confident. It's very attractive to be a happy and positive person so look on the bright side.

Tips

  • Try writing a list of all your best attributes and remember this is who you are so be proud.
  • Join a sports team or a club. Its great meeting new people and making friends and those are two perfect places to start.
  • Go to a gym or for a run with a friend. Its much more enjoyable with someone you like to do things with and it takes your mind off other things.
  • Be confident and smile, if you are positive and people know it they will want to be around you more.

Warnings

  • Don't go crazy at the gym, try to enjoy yourself but you don't want to end up looking like the hulk

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How to Elevate Your Self Esteem

How to Elevate Your Self Esteem

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
For many years now, "self-esteem" has been synonymous with "self image," but that's not really what self-esteem is. Positive self-image is important - it's caring about yourself and seeing yourself as a unique and special individual simply because of who you are as a human being. Self-esteem is a positive sense of one's own worth that is based on actually doing worthy things - it's that feeling you get when you've accomplished something, and it's a great feeling. Here's how to build it and help others lift theirs in the process.

Steps

  1. Do things and live life so that you impress yourself. There's only one way to elevate your self-esteem - earn your own respect. Many times we try to impress others but that's a fool's game. The person you really need to impress is you. Always seek to improve yourself against your own achievements, your own milestones, not anyone else's.
    • Stop trying to win other's respect. Live your life with integrity and self-determination based on what impresses you, and respect will follow.
    • When possible, walk away from people who don't respect you. When you can't, don't sink to their level. That can be difficult but it improves with practice. It makes a good goal in itself to learn not to sink to their level when people disrespect you. Understand that they may have a generic reason to disrespect you such as prejudice or by character they may be malicious. If it's a misunderstanding, try sorting it out - when a liar spreads stories about you it can be hard to sort out what they said and spread the truth but it can cause people who'd otherwise take you as you are to treat you with disrespect. Understand the differences in those situations and absolutely never trust anyone who's lied about you behind your back again.
    • While other people's opinions and ideas have their place in your life, don't set your life according to them. Listen and take on board what works for you but only internalize that which you believe improves you or works for because you have made a choice for yourself.
  2. Set goals and work toward them. They don't have to be pie-in-the-sky, they can just be gradual improvements. You could decide to learn to play the guitar, for example. Start by saving up to get a guitar, then learn one chord until you have it perfect, then another, then another. Get guitar books and sheet music from the library learning one song at a time or play by ear. Or learn to draw with art books, a sketchbook and pencils by practicing every day. A different example: you have a B- overall grade point average. Resolve to raise your GPA at least a half grade each semester until you are a B+, then you will renegotiate. Begin to study harder, join a study group or choose a study partner. As you begin to gain mastery of your schoolwork and see your GPA rise to a B and finally to a B+, you will have a solid sense of accomplishment - and your self-esteem will rise. Both daily success - "I studied tonight" and external success "I'm good enough to play guitar at a party and no one laughed at me" are different types of self esteem.
    • Judge your goals wisely. Look at your real goals and interests in life. If your long term goal is to become an educated professional or get a free ride scholarship to college, then raising your grades is the first step in a long road to a large personal success. If you're raising your grades from B+ to A+ to please a critical parent that expects perfection, choose a self esteem goal that doesn't rest on their opinion of your success, such as learning to draw, play guitar, build a collection, tell jokes well, skills that will help you relax when you're successful in a high pressure career. You're already living one, something in your life has to be just from the heart. A good goal is something you would enjoy anyway even if no one knew you did it, no one paid for it and no one complimented it. That feeds the soul.
  3. Gain accomplishments and achievements. Study hard. Take that B+ and turn it into Honors by keeping it as a personal subject of study for one to three years. Or play hard at a sport. Even if you are only average, the more you practice, the better you will get, and that's an achievement of its own. Choose something to excel at, choose a goal, and work hard toward it until you achieve - even working toward bettering yourself for the sake of doing it is a worthy pursuit.
    • Play to your strengths. If you run fast and aren't bulky or strong, maybe track is a better sport than football. If you're creative and dramatic, consider drama and audition for school plays. If you're great at math and hate slippery literature and arts subjects, seek out the Astronomy Club or Chess Club and build your skills in the areas that come easiest. Strengthen your native talents. It's good to have at least one goal like this that comes from exactly who you are and what you do best.
    • It's also good to set goals that shore up your weaknesses. If you're brilliant in math and computer science, barely snagging D minus in English and afraid to talk to girls, setting the goals of getting your English grade up to a B minus and overcoming shyness are good for self esteem too. Someone else may not think of a C minus as a good grade in English, but when you raised it from a D minus and risked flunking every semester that is an important achievement, perhaps more difficult than pushing B minus to B plus.
  4. Value noble pursuits. Academics, the arts and sports are time-honored traditional pursuits which can bring out the best in a person by testing intellectual and physical limits, and fostering individual and team efforts. You could write a novel, write an original piece of music, create a graphic novel or paint well enough to gain honors. Look at ways in which these noble pursuits can be carried on through life beyond school.
  5. Value harmless, self-rewarding pursuits. Knitting, gardening, quilting, woodworking, decorative painting, collecting, model building, fandom (music, sports, television, movie), fashion, Do It Yourself, trivia, games, reading are all things that harm no one and give self esteem by your competence in them. They also bring social support from others who share your passion. It doesn't need to be a high and noble pursuit to be a goal that matters to you and it doesn't have to earn you a living if it gives you lifelong pleasure and relaxation. Many of the arts and sciences can also fall into this category even if you don't follow a career in them or pursue them to professional level - rocketry clubs, community theater, open mike comedy or music and leisure painting are all still worthwhile even if you choose to remain amateur and do these things only because you love them. They will also give you a good basis for building a new social life anytime you relocate. If there isn't a club for it in your new location you can found one and others will be glad you did.
  6. Help someone. Volunteer at a retirement home or a homeless shelter. Get involved with your church in a ministry to the sick or the poor. Donate your time and service to a humane animal shelter. Be a Big Brother or Big Sister. Nothing is more rewarding than offering your time and talent to help others in need. Getting outside your own head and your normal circle of influence can be eye opening and humbling.
  7. Practice humility. No one was ever a greater public servant than Mother Teresa, she helped the poor, the sick and the dying, and never turned anyone away. Yet Mother Teresa was a strong, noble soul who knew that if she did not help these people, perhaps no one would. She fought a lifetime battle with chronic depression and won, she never quit or surrendered to it. She saw the value in each individual and never allowed herself to despair that her life's works might not change the world for millions - much of the time, she worked to relieve one soul's suffering at a time. That's real self-esteem: "I am only one person, but I can help these people." That's knowing and believing in the power of One Person to make a real difference. And making that difference one person at a time may be a humble goal, but it is a worthy one.
  8. Pass your skills and talents on to someone. Teaching someone your specialty will show you how much you really do know and have to offer. As you help a novice learn the skills you have honed, you will feel their admiration and respect for your prowess. In turn, you will be helping another develop those same skills, so that they may be passed on again.
  9. Allow children to build self-esteem honestly. Just because they're kids doesn't mean they're stupid - do you really think they don't know you let them win? Self-esteem isn't built by being handed a win. It's built by actually winning. Play a game with with your kid until he or she masters it - it can be anything: Dominoes, Scrabble, Pokemon, a video game, Hearts - and whatever you do, do not play down to him or her. When you win, celebrate. Don't belittle him or call him a loser, just say, "Yay, I win!" And then say, "Let's see, did you make any mistakes? Maybe you didn't - maybe it was just a bad draw. Let's look at your game and see where it could improve." Help him, show him how to improve, and play again. Eventually, he or she will beat you. When she/he does, tell him or her to stand up on the table and do a victory dance. Look at her or his face. See how your child feels when he/she knows he/she earned this win, fair and square, and on his or her own? It's a huge difference, because it tells the child they have the power to win, if he/she sticks with something and tries hard. It can set the tone for the way she or he goes at things the rest of her or his life. Don't "let" them win. By doing so you rob him of the chance to earn a win honestly.
    • Children understand the difference between being handed a win because you love them and winning because they won in a competitive situation. Don't be surprised if a child hands you a win, ask yourself if you've been a sore loser if that happens.
    • Encourage non-competitive activities and praise every step on the way to success rather than expecting perfection. It's good to have at least one goal that can only rest on comparing with your own previous performance, to keep from getting so wound up in pressure to succeed that any failure is catastrophic.

Video

Tips

  • Discover the realistic limitations to your behavior and abilities. Allow yourself the mobility between success and failure. Forgiveness includes yourself.
  • Nobody can give you self-esteem. You have to earn it yourself.
  • Fandom, whether it's television, sports, movies, music, is a popular and effective type of goal and activity. Winning trivia contests in something you spend your free time enjoying is a mildly competitive activity that does build self esteem and strengthen memory in general. Don't forget that less official activities and pursuits are often less dependent on having school facilities and resources to pursue. Strong interests can also help you build and keep an active social life once school ends, even if you relocate for reasons of work. There will be other fans of your favorite music, shows, movies and sports in your new location too.
  • Believe that you can make a difference, one person or task at a time. Over time, as your efforts bear fruit, you will feel your inner sense of satisfaction at your accomplishments.
  • Have a sense of humor - especially about yourself. Don't take yourself too seriously, keep things in perspective.
  • Choosing at least one non-competitive activity is important to have something that doesn't rest on other people's opinions and is easy to measure only against your own past progress. If you want to read everything Dickens wrote, that's a goal that you can complete and it won't have any bearing on anyone's reaction except other Dickens fans. Competing, even if you don't win, can become exciting and does help you sharpen your skills - thereby building your estimation of yourself. In competitive activities, choose those you're reasonably good at or capable of doing well if you apply yourself. Beating your head on brick walls by trying to compete in something where you lack the basic capacity to do it well enough to succeed does not build self esteem, only frustration. A heavy, large youth can try to become strong and fit, lose some weight and try out for football but is unlikely with that build to become a track star.
  • Competition in sports and similar activities is healthy when it's fair, within your abilities and played with real enjoyment and respect for others. Competition in which you compare yourself negatively with others and try to be "better" than them is not. You can never know what life is really like for other people. Much of it doesn't show, so setting your standards by other people's clothes, belongings, and rank at the office will simply demoralize you and lower your self-esteem. Someone with thousands of dollars in expensive clothes and electronics may be the one getting bought off by parents who'd rather get a root canal than spend an hour with their kid.
  • Keep a written record of your progress toward your goal, whether that's your scores in sports practice, hours studied, dating your sketches, writing out what chords you learned or gaining or losing weight in pounds. Daily small successes are one of the best ways to build self esteem. It's not the state championship that gives you the strength to weather adversity later on, it was all the practice that helped you get on the team in the first place and all the practice before the first game, every one of those games along the way.

Warnings

  • Avoid illegal and self destructive goals. Whoever drank the most beer without puking is likely to be an alcoholic, they gain the most alcohol tolerance. Joining a gang may get you a future where prison is your higher education and you can't step back out into a different life. Sex with as many partners as you can get will eventually lead to venereal disease instead of a deep relationship with someone who'll love you for life and treat you well.
  • Think of the long term as well as the short term. Sports that aren't easily available in adult life or peak when you're young are great if you're so good that you'll become professional. For many they lead to sitting on a couch at forty remembering glory days instead of looking forward to new triumphs at the bowling alley or racquetball court. A consistently high GPA can lead to full free-ride scholarships, but if your self esteem rests on getting high grades, graduation from college can become a huge shock. Out in the working world, there are no external grades to measure your success by, so be sure at least some of your goals are timeless and not dependent on school facilities.
  • Avoid the temptation to turn self-esteem into conceit and arrogance. People with good self-esteem are very attractive. Arrogant louts aren't.

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